16 things I would tell my 20-year-old self, and a short exercise to find out what you'd tell yours.
Hello friends,
The real gift in growing older is wisdom. Wisdom is different from knowledge. It comes from life experience, from the ups and downs we all move through.
I love listening to people who've lived a long life. There's so much to learn from their view, having seen so much, often offering a refreshingly calm, eye-opening perspective. People who've lived a while know that our neuroticism, our absurd self-criticism, our irrational fears, feel enormous in the moment and so small looking back. They see what actually counts, and they're often the most humble people you'll meet.
I also know plenty of people who become more rigid with age, stuck in blame or resentment, or simply tired of life. It takes real courage and inner strength to grow wiser through life, to treat challenges as something necessary to live through rather than around.
Maybe you had a wise older person in your life growing up, someone who offered real perspective in hard moments. Many of us didn't.
You already are that wise, older self
Here's the thing worth remembering: we're all this older, wiser self already, no matter what age we're at right now. We've lived through good and bad times, stood at real decision points, gained and lost people, moved through sickness and health. We can look back at a younger version of ourselves and see them lost, insecure, or maybe too full of themselves. Looking at it today, it often turns out okay, and we can feel real gratitude for where we've ended up.
Try this short exercise. Close your eyes and take a deep breath in and out. For a moment, connect to the wise version of yourself that you are today, the one who can see that everything that happened in childhood, as a teenager, as an adult, was for a reason. Become the version of you who sees the gifts in what happened, maybe smiling and thinking: what if I'd known back then? I could have relaxed so much more.
Now remember a time in your life that wasn't easy. Imagine you can connect to the younger version of you who was living it. What would you tell yourself, from where you stand today? Find calming, kind words. When there's nothing left to say, open your eyes again.
Reflect for a moment: are those messages still relevant for the you of today?
16 things I'd tell my 20-year-old self
Dear Sophie,
- There are millions of ways you can live your life.
- You only learn from experience, never from spinning it in your mind. Keep walking, and your path will unfold naturally.
- You are supported, and it's okay to receive support. Don't be afraid to depend on people, just make sure you feel good with them.
- There's a deep inner peace already inside you. Stop looking outside for it.
- Don't ask for advice from people who haven't walked the path you want to walk. They'll only project their own fears. Ask the ones who have.
- You're allowed to rest, to do nothing, to be unproductive.
- It's okay to feel lost and not know where to go next, even if that stays true for a long while. Trust.
- Sometimes others win, sometimes you win. Whatever comes, cheer for it.
- Learn ways to connect to your body and get out of your mind. Move, breathe, touch, feel the aliveness and strength already inside you.
- Stop chasing people who only like you when you meet their expectations. Be yourself, and the right people will come naturally.
- Stop feeling guilty all the time. You deserve to enjoy life fully.
- Discomfort isn't bad, and you're strong enough to feel it and move through it. The more discomfort you can feel, the more joy you'll feel too. No mud, no lotus.
- You're allowed to change your mind.
- Ninety-nine percent of what you're so scared of never happens. Other things happen, and you deal with them as they come.
- You only find out if you try.
- You are good enough. <3
What messages would you give your younger self? I'd love to know.
Have a lovely day,
P.S. Reflective, self-compassion practices like this one run through our 8-week Emotional Intelligence in Action programme. Discovery Call is at cal.com/sophie-bachmann/discovery-call when you're ready.